That Moment I Nearly Lost My Career Forever

Decisions are all about making the best choices with the information you have at the time, and clarity comes with each choice and the consequences that follow. "Consequence" isn't a dirty word. We often think of it as a punishment but really it is just the by product of a decision, and I would argue we fear making a move either way to avoid the consequence. Unfortunately, it also means we miss out on the positive outcome when we choose to stay stuck.

Luckily for me, the choice to sabotage my career was the best decision I ever made.

No, I won't talk about domestic violence over the loudspeaker.

I vividly remember the day I firmly dug my heels in and refused to follow the directions of the Principal. It was then that I knew I was no longer subtly sabotaging my chance at tenure, but I was guaranteeing it, and it was intentional. Before we go there, let me take a step back and paint the entire picture.

In undergrad, I was a psychology major who was fascinated with understanding why we are the way we are. It was a feeling I’ve had since my first human behavior class in high school. I was intrigued by career fulfillment, social dynamics, relationships, and motivation. For those of you who either were psych majors or considered it, you know that while it is a wonderfully broad degree, no one knows what the heck to do with it outside of the world of counseling or social work, and typically a Master's degree is up next.

Here is what I also knew: I had these really great skills like a therapist, but I didn't want to be one...at least not yet. My options felt limited and time was ticking until graduation. Would I look for a job or would I enroll in a graduate program and if so, which one?

I'll spare you the details for another story, but after pursuing a Master's in I/O psychology for a semester, I traded in writing job descriptions for a Master's in Professional Counseling. Here we had three options: take the clinical or school counselor paths, or both. I like to cover all my bases and chose both.

When you graduate you can apply for a provisional clinical license which comes with it's own limitations. I decided to work in a school for a more stable salary and benefits while I built up those hours needed for the permanent one. Both my body and brain knew this was only a stepping stone and not a final destination. In fact, I wasn't ready to be a full-blown therapist either. I didn't know what I really wanted but I knew this was both the right and wrong place to be to figure it out. Dualities can be necessary for growth. It's not always an "or"; often times it's an "and".

I never wanted to be a school counselor. Intuitively I knew I was not built for school districts and they were not built for me. I could feel it in my bones. I loved my time with the kids, helping them put words to feelings, making up activities to draw them out of themselves, and teaching them how to process, but every Sunday and Monday morning I could feel my muscles tighten with resistance to go to work. My chest felt heavy when I walked in the door, and I'd have to force a big winded breath to calm my nervous system. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a preconceived notion of the rigidity of schedules and the power struggles between administration and staff, but what made me hesitate most was my gut feeling that this wasn't for me despite the logic that it was required.

What I find interesting now in retrospect is when I was first offered a tenure track position, I chose a maternity leave replacement, instead. At the time, my reasoning was valid–the school’s expectations of the role were not in line with my integrity nor my perspective of a school counselor. Thinking back now, it was my intuition sounding the alarm.

Back to the Sabotage

With 4 years of turmoil and turnover in administration, I ended up with a principal who had little respect for me and my professional opinion. The day he asked me to address domestic violence over the loudspeaker at 8am to 9-13 year olds, with no time to process or talk through such a heavy topic, was the day I knew my gut was right all along, and it was time to sabotage my career as a school counselor.

• Instead of looking for a new district, I trusted my instincts this role was meant to be only a temporary stepping stone. It had run it's course and given me what I needed to take with me on my next venture.

• I had already been considering my next moves and how I could leverage my skills elsewhere and still feel fulfilled and true to my purpose.

• I became curious and determined. I was resilient and brave, and had called off a wedding 2 months before I was scheduled to walk down the aisle. I could figure this out, too.

  
  

Given that it was only September, I took the rest of the school year to become uber reflective of the aspects of my role that I thoroughly enjoyed, the parts that drained me and caused resistance. I heightened my self-awareness to find clarity and better articulate what I needed, what I wanted, and more importantly, what I didn't need and what I didn't want. I allowed myself the space to be open to possibilities and opportunities while still considering the parameters of my purpose. I share more about a term I coined, "serendipitous signals" the framework for my career navigation journey in next week's post.

What's most important is that my decision to choose myself brought me the next step of career moves that allow me to be confidently in alignment.

Often times the best decisions...the right decisions...are the hardest, but have been right in front of you all along. I can't wait to share more about how I help you tune in and turn up the volume on your inner compass next week. My proven and personal framework around "serendipitous signals" is the foundation of everything I am going to teach you in my upcoming course, Resparked, which is going to walk you through the process of redefining and reclaiming what lights your spark.

Stay tuned!